i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
