i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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