The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
