Don't make out with my wife yet
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It's rum buckets o'clock
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
