All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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