That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
