No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
