a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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