he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize