LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
