He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Never let your siblings swipe right.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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