i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I want her autograph on my taint
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
