He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
