do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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