I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
