Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
