that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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