can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
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