We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
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