i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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