There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize