About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize
