why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
