I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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