I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
