He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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