And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
