worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
