It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
