Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
So many bounce houses so little time
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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