I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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