hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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