dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
