I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
