i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
