so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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