I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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