When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
