The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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