i always forget guys have bellybuttons
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
