We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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