I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
