what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Randomize
