We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
