It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
