Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
