forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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