I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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