the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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