I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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