I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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