that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
accomplished twins. life is a go
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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