I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I touched a dick in church today
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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