Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
this beer tastes like vomit already
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
