They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
