I don't usually arrange sex via text message
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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