got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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