My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize