dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
