She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
