Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
