you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
