i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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