then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
