No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
