Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
