I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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