i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize