there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
