The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
